floating into fall

system audit: letting love rearrange me 🍰

every time i need to remember I play this song:

🍰 Letting love rearrange me.

Can I surrender to what I know? Can I surrender to what I don’t know. Funny, they seem like the same thing. if you want freedom, you better free someone. Currently working on freeing myself. Spoiler: it’s not going great, but non-duality says it going exactly how it’s supposed to.

It’s the end of October and we keep swimming. An actual activity that gets colder everyday. Which I’m finding thrilling and then of course a genius metaphor. I know, I know, it’s the back end of November now. I did swim November 6 though and a cold plunge on Saturday (under the full moon) for those who care. Metaphor stands: We keep swimming.

I floated into fall. last swims, last ferry boats, last leaves, last chocolate cake, last kisses. Can you be nostalgic while in it? because I always am.

the last months have felt like a mirror, and then I forget, and then I remember. I’ve currently forgotten.

If future self is effortless, why so much efforting?

Can I surrender? And still, can I have desires, wants, dreams and goals? I don’t know when this duality got so sticky. But it is the stickiest it’s ever been.

everything is coated in love. stop the thinking, stop the inventory. tilt your head to the side. enjoy the intimacy. enjoy the simplicity + the silliness. Every time i do, i find my self falling in love with strangers and the strangeness. it’s the best! The most exciting! I forget this is where I thrive, where life is the most magical, and then I remember.

Maybe, I’m just here to fall in love with strangers.

in acceptance of uncertainty, pain, and constant work life continues to go by swimmingly. Spoiler, it hasn’t really been, but that’s the point, isnt it? Good news: you do stop drowning

baking chocolate things and seeing 50 strangers light up reminds me what’s available to me.

i’m back in my comfort zone. Comfort zones aren’t necessarily comfortable or YOU but they sure are familiar. Here, I forget to tilt my head. Here, I forget to fall in love. I forget to experience the silliness and the effortless. I forget I baked the best chocolate cookies. of. my. life. Our systems need audit, so that we can leave the familiar for the better. The systems that got me here worked. Say thank you! they aren’t me anymore. Although oh so comfortable, they can’t get me to the next person, place, thing I imagine. New zone, new life, new systems. if you want freedom you better free someone.

here this time to accept the death + feel the freedom . letting love rearrange me 🍰